You smell like a Billy Joel song
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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