i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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