Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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