yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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