I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
