Screwed.edu
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
