saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
