you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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