Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
