we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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