Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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