you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
