Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Michael Bay diarrhea
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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