I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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