this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
