My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How's work?
Spinning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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