The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
