At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
