Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize