I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
