with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
