My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
