She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My bed smells like the plague
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