It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
