drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
