did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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