i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
