$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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