All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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