You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
