false alarm. still invincible.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize