I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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