I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i will never coherently bang her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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