You just made me feel so damn special
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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