They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize