Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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