Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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