You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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