physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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