Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
