i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
