six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
