Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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