after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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