We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
