I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he shaved USA in his pubs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
