It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
