So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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