i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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