Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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