At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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