So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
