Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
