Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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