In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
