dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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