Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There are leaves in my underwear?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
