Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Shame - the story of my life.
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