I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
