the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
