The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
