My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
