His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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