South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
