Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
