Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
