did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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