Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
