every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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