Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
