And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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