I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
