Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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