I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
