i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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