You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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