i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
