Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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