I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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