o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
