Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
whose ass print is on the piano?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
