All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
