i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize