If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
