I've blown a few things in my day
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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