my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
