Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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