i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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