Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
