Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
