She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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