I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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