Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
