These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
