My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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