is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
