So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
4 words: hood of his car
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
