just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
