dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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