A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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