just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize