Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
