How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
