The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
