I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
