I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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