I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found puke in my bra..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
