i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
