She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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