so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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