It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
