No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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