you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think a kid would responsible me up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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